she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
