I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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