There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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