just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
