just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
