I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
