Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
