Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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