Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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