I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
