I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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