SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
