I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize