I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
