im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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