roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize