The best revenge is premature balding
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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