sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
