so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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