I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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