I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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