Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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