Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want her autograph on my taint
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
