It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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