so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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