he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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