i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
