well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
