There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
