either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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