Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
