You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did I show you my penis last night?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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