Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize