I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
did i just pee glitter
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
