This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
