It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize