dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
