Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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