i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
