sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
