idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize