im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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