i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
