I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
