best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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