so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
