Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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