Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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