Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
