but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
