"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I want to make a zoo with you.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
