is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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