At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
