Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So vagazzling was a success
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
