It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
