Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
