And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am spending my child support on dildos
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
