Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
