Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
