I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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