I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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