My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
