So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
