Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
