I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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