i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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